If you follow me on Facebook you know I came out this last week and confessed I am a people pleaser. You can view that HERE. I have spent most of my life trying to live up to other people’s expectations. That didn’t serve me it only left me confused, unhappy, and stressed out.
I preach all the time about being authentically you. As someone who totally lost herself about 7 years ago I know it’s so important. Despite feeling like I had found myself again a few years ago I still continued living up to others expectations and not my own expectations. This was not authentic to me. It’s not authentic to anyone.
Part of me continued to be missing. It wasn’t until I spent a week in Nashville, Tennessee for Beachbody Coach convention without my spouse, my “friends” or my kids around that I realized what was happening. I expressed to my roommates and new friends how unhappy I was about so many things. Just having them listen opened me up to realizing where I was going wrong.
Then during a semi drunk five hour conversation with a stranger in a bar I saw the light. I am a people pleaser. I have spent my ENTIRE life living up to others expectations of me. How I should act, how I should dress, how I should Love, how I should coach, how I should keep my mouth shut, etc… NONE of that was me
I’m not saying I wasn’t me at all. I totally was very much me a lot of the time but many of my decisions were fueled by other people’s expectations of me. There were times I felt like I couldn’t speak up because it was “inappropriate”. There were times I felt I had to push for goals because that’s “how you become successful.” There were times that I felt ashamed of my actions because that’s “Not what a married mom of four does”. I was so afraid of letting others down that I let myself down.
Seriously who came up with all of these “rules”. Not me. I truly feel we should all be able to be 100% authentically ourselves. We will attract those people who belong in our lives and repel those who don’t. That is NOT a bad thing at all. Who seriously needs to be surrounded by people who make them unhappy. I sure don’t!
This past week I started opening up about things that aren’t me. I opened up about not wanting to live up to others expectations. It wasn’t easy for sure. Part of it was the fear of judgement which I talked about in this post on Fearing Judgement. The other part was this person inside of me who craves feeling loved and accepted which I felt living up to others expectations would get me. New flash… It doesn’t.
What did I find from this constant need to live up to other expectations? False relationships and a whole lot of unhappiness. If someone really truly accepts me for me they will respect my goals and accept my flaws. They will help me become the best version of me not expect me to fit into their definition of what I should be. I am unique and not meant to fit into anyone’s mold.
Last week I had many epiphanies and the biggest one was that I no longer wanted to live up to other people’s expectations. It’s not authentic to me. It makes me so unhappy. I felt like a bird trapped in a cage. I want to live up to my own expectations. This is MY LIFE! I am in charge of it.
There are many things and words that can help define who I am but those are not ones from other people but myself. Remember we define who we are. We control our actions and our reactions. We deserve to be happy and to thrive not just survive. Don’t let anyone tell you what that should look like. This isn’t their life it’s yours. Dream your own dreams and live your own life.
I know you can do this!
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