Feel Your Feelings

Feel Your Feelings, Megan Hall, The Inspired Women PodcastHave you ever pushed down your feelings? Have you ever pretended like something didn’t happen? Avoiding our feelings does us no good. When we avoid them they manifest in other ways. That’s often worse than what would happen if we just process our feelings in the first place. Unfortunately there is no way around it. You need to feel your feelings.

When we don’t process through our feelings we create baggage. I liken this to have a closet in your brain. Every time you don’t process through something it goes in that closet. Then some day something is going to open that closet and it will all come tumbling out. Have you ever argued with someone and mid argument they start bringing up everything from the past? This is because their closet was opened.

How can you feel your feelings?

1) Identify the emotion or emotions you are feeling. Is this anger, sadness, guilt, shame, regret, etc… ?

2) Ask yourself WHY you are feeling this way. Where did these emotions stem from?

3) Feel your feelings. Cry, scream, punch a punching bag… do what you need to in order to feel those feelings in a healthy way.

4) Take ownership in your part in this. What steps do you need to take to rectify the situation? 

5) Heal. That might take therapy, it might take journaling, it might take talking it out, and  it’s probably going to take some forgiveness, but you need to do what it takes to heal. 

Feelings are scary. No one wants to feel grief or sadness or shame but it’s a part of life. Life is not perfect and sometimes bad things happen. If we don’t allow ourselves to feel the “negative” emotions we block out the “positive” emotions too. Have you ever had like a really good cry then later that felt complete joy? If those sad emotions were still hanging around unexpressed you wouldn’t have felt that immense joy that you did.

Holding onto feelings is detrimental to our health, our relationships, and our self esteem. Don’t let something eat away at you for 20 years or even 20 days. Doing that will prevent you from truly experiencing life to it’s fullest. I sure wouldn’t want to see what 20 years of shame manifests as. It would not be very pretty that’s for sure.

It’s ok and healthy to feel your feelings. You can start today. Remember as always YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

Creating Boundaries

Creating Boundaries, Megan Hall, The Inspired Women Podcast

This past weekend I had the pleasure of hosting a Creating Boundaries workshop. Why is creating boundaries important?  90% of the distress, extreme stress and feelings of overwhelm we have can be traced back to unhealthy boundaries. What are boundaries? They are imaginary limits that you use to protect yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally.

There’s a difference between boundaries and defenses. Defenses are used to push people away or keep them at arms length. Boundaries on the other hand are there to protect you. For example a defense might be pushing your spouse away when they go to hug you because you are mad at them. A boundary however would be telling them “I don’t want to be intimate with you until we talk this out.” Your not try to push them away but you are protecting yourself emotionally by saying you need to talk.

There are three kinds of boundaries: Physical, energetic, and spiritual. Physical boundaries are all about protecting you physical body. For example: Telling a stranger who places their hand on your lower back “Please don’t touch me like that. We are not that close.”. Energetic boundaries are all the things that are not physical. For example: Telling your friend that you don’t want them sharing your personal business with other people. Spiritual boundaries are all around your belief system or lack there of. For example: A co worker asks you to go to church with them and you state “No thank you. I don’t attend church” but next week they ask you again.

creating boundaries for your life

1) Identify areas of your life that you are experiencing discomfort, extreme stress or feelings of overwhelm.

2) What is causing you to feel that way?

3) In those areas where are your boundaries being violated?

4) What do your boundaries need to be?

5) Do NOT allow others to continuously violate your boundaries.

Boundary errors occur when someone crosses your boundary accidentally or out of ignorance. A boundary violation occurs when someone disregards a boundary after they have been educated on it. If someone continuously violates your boundaries it’s unlikely they will stop. The first step in a boundary error/violation is to educate the person on your boundary, the second step is to create some kind of consequence for them, and the third step is if it continues you need to create space between you and the other person.

You have every right to create boundaries with other people. No one, even your significant other, has the right to violate your boundaries. By setting boundaries with other people you are also giving them permission to set boundaries with you. If someone cannot respect your boundaries it is time to let them go in order to protect  your physical, mentally, and emotional health.

If you would like more support around creating boundaries as well as other things in your life schedule a free 30 minute connection call with me to see how I can help. Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

 

 

If You Don’t Ask The Answers Always No

If you don't ask the answers always no, Megan Hall, The Inspired Women Podcast

One of the best pieces of advice my husband has ever given me is “If you don’t ask the answers always no.” As someone with a curious mind I use to allow the fear that people would judge me or think I am stupid for asking questions hold me back. How are we to know the answer if we don’t ask?

Many times we are so afraid of rejection that we freeze up and never ask what we want to. This can hold us back in so many aspects of our lives. If we only ask the questions we know the answers to how are we suppose to learn and grow? Life is full of risks and this is just one of them.

If You don’t ask the answers always no… Minimizing your risk:

1) Do your research. With everything at our finger tips it’s relatively easy to do. 

2) Build relationships. When people know, like, and trust you they are more likely to say yes. 

3) Weigh the best case scenario against the worst case scenario. Is the bad really that bad? Is it worth risking for the best outcome?

4) Have a back up plan. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket so essentially you lose everything if you get the answer you don’t want. 

5) Realize that someone’s response to your question has more to do with them than it has to do with you. Still reevaluate after but don’t take it to heart. 

It’s impossible to read someone’s mind. Unless if those are your psychic powers but even then you won’t be right 100% of the time. The best way to find out the answer to your question is ask. Use these tips to help you have a foundation to which you can minimize the risks associated with asking your question.

In all reality the worst case scenario usually means that we end up right back where we were before we asked. That’s not really not setting us back that far. Don’t give up on asking questions because you are rejected or someone is judgmental of your question. As long as your question is appropriate for the relationship you have with this person it will all be ok. If you don’t ask the answers always no and you will be left wondering what the answer could have been.

Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

 

We Can Only Change Ourselves

We Cannot Change Other People We can Only Change Ourselves, Megan Hall, The Inspired Women Podcast

Recently I had a group of people say they were going to “pray for me”. This was because I disagreed with them and they thought I should change my mind. My thought was “That’s not how that works.” We cannot change other people, we can only change ourselves. Every human being was gifted with free will and because of that other people cannot be changed.

That might be disheartening to read. Is there no hope? I am not saying that. People can on their own decide to change but we cannot make it happen either by prayer, words or force. They must make that decision on their own. Instead we each have to work on ourselves and through that may even influence their change. If something someone has said or done has caused us pain, hurt, or discomfort we need to ask ourselves why and heal.

I always tell my clients that we can only control our actions, our reactions, our thoughts, our words, and our feelings. Unfortunately there are many things out of our control like the weather, other people, or deployments (military spouse here). So if something is out of our control we must change our mindset around it not expect it to change for us. We can continue to allow that thing or person to bother and eat away at us or we can heal and move on. If we don’t we are only hurting ourselves in the process.

How can we change ourselves:

1) Identify what’s not serving you anymore. Whether this is thoughts, actions, words, relationships or situations. 

2) Ask yourself what can you do personally to change these things. Remember you can change your mindset or take an action personally. 

3) Identify why these things are not serving you anymore and how they got to this place. 

4) Ask what you need to do to avoid getting in similar situations in the future. 

5) Take your first step towards change. Start small and take it one step at a time. 

In order to make a change we must take ownership of our part of a situation. By placing the blame solely on other things or people we are doing ourselves a disservice. It’s like wanting to lose weight but blaming your weight gain on the company that makes your favorite, not so good for you, snack . Yes they made it but you ate it.  We have to take ownership in our part of our story.

Until we take ownership of our part in our lives it’s nearly impossible to change. When we place the blame solely on others and think we can change them we only do harm to ourselves .Instead of healing we marinate in the situation. Then it’s no longer the person or thing causing us pain, hurt or discomfort it’s ourselves.

Many times people think that they can force change by praying for it or posting on social media about it or continuing to speak to others about it. That won’t force change because we can’t control other people or even some situations. Then we aren’t being proactive in our actions to change ourselves either through growth or healing. This will only allow things to fester and compound making  what happened worse not better.

For the rest of my life I could marinate in the fact that I was verbally abused by my father as a teenager. I could pray that he would change and apologize for his behavior. Maybe I could post on social media condemning his behavior. I could speak to other people about how horrible he is. If I did that twenty years from now I would still be hurting. Instead I chose to heal, forgive, and move on. I’ve put him at arms length and don’t allow him to opportunity to inflict that kind pain onto me anymore.

Don’t allow other people or things to change your life. Only you should have that control. We cannot change other people, we can only change ourselves. Remember as always YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

Set Some Standards

Set Some Standards, Megan Hall, The Inspired Women Podcast

Whether you call it your moral compass or your guiding principles deciding to set some standards in your life is important. Not setting standards allows us to get caught up in some really not so awesome things. Like the time I was arrested for saying my car was stolen when it wasn’t. I still have a nice misdemeanor following me around from that one.

Setting standards for your personal and professional life is saying these are my expectations for myself and the world. Could our standards be too high? According to some people yes. I personally feel if we are able to live up to them and they aren’t impacting our lives in a negative manner then no. Everyone has to have standards.

How to set some standards

1) Identify what’s most important to you in different aspect of your life. Just keep in mind life is not perfect so expecting it to be might cause a lot of pain and heartache. 

2) Ask yourself what is lowest your standards will go. Like when you were dating would you be ok with someone who didn’t look like Ryan Gosling as long as they had a good heart?

3) Live up to your own standards. You cannot expect someone else to do something you aren’t willing to do yourself. 

4) Reevaluate regularly. When an area of your life isn’t going as planned you might have to reevaluate your standards. 

5) Remember it’s ok to have different standards than other people. That doesn’t make you any better or worse than them, just different. 

Life is messy. There were times when my standards were quite low and there were times when they have been too high. My standards for dating college were high in some aspects but way too low in other aspects. I was focusing on the wrong things at that time. After being married to my husband my dating standards would probably be really high. lol

This isn’t a perfect system. Know that it’s ok to pivot or change. Over time we see aspects of life we didn’t before. That awareness might make us increase or decrease our standards. Just because you have certain standards doesn’t mean those around you will as well. Don’t let that influence you to change. Your standards are YOURS not anyone else’s. Just keep checking in with yourself and allow those standards to guide you in life.

Remember as always YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

PS Don’t forget to join us in The Inspired Women Community.

 

What I Learned From Co Authoring A Book

What I learned co authoring a book, Megan Hall, The Inspired Women Podcast

I love books! I read several every month. Ever since I was a child I had an affinity for them. Publishing a book has been my dream for several years. When I was presented with the opportunity to co author a book I thought it was the perfect way to learn about the book writing process before publishing  one of my own.

It wasn’t until the week the book launched that things  started to go wrong. I  hadn’t seen or approved of any copy of the book but I promoted it anyways. Really I hadn’t seen anything  except for the copy of my chapter that I submitted originally. Two days after the book launched the copy of the book I ordered  arrived while I was away at a conference. As soon I returned home  I excitedly opened the package that contained “my book”.

When I opened the book and started reading I saw several grammatical errors on the pages I read. These were things that should have been fixed by a professional editor. I don’t deny that in my original copy there were a few grammatical errors but those could have been caught easily by an editor. However while comparing what I submitted to what was in the book I realized some of the edits made to my chapter actually made more grammatical errors. They hadn’t fixed some of the ones that were present in my original submission.

As  a professional I hold my work to a certain standard. I don’t aim for perfection but aim to provide a certain quality. Personally I feel a published book should have little to no grammatical errors in it. This book had not met that standard and I started to ask myself where everything went wrong. What could I have done differently?

I realized I had to make some major decisions regarding the book and how I would utilize this experience. I decided I would use it as a learning lesson.  By sharing the lessons I learned with others  I hope to help them avoid any of these problems in their future.

This is what i learned

1) ALWAYS have a signed, legal contract that CLEARLY STATES the terms of your agreement.  

2) Make sure you are able to not only see but approve of the final draft before the book goes to print. 

3) Do NOT promote something you have not seen. 

4) Get to know your fellow co authors before committing. 

5) If at any point in time in the process you get the feeling like this isn’t for you trust that. 

Don’t let this dissuade you from co authoring a book. There are many amazing things that can come out of such an experience.  Co authoring a book is a great way to split up the cost of self publishing. It will also provide a bit of diversity in your book. If you utilize these tips when co authoring a book you should be able to avoid  any misunderstandings or miscommunication.

Remember  YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

PS.. Want to get support on your life’s journey? Join us in the most positive, supportive, inclusive community on Facebook The Inspired Women Community.

 

 

 

Variety Is The Spice Of Life

Variety is the spice of life, The Inspired Women Podcast, Megan Hall

One thing that adult women seem to struggle the most with is cultivating healthy friendships. When we become adults we lose our regular interactions with other people. As children we would have interactions with other children at school on a regular basis. Our friendships developed almost effortlessly out of that.

When I interviewed Shasta Nelson for The Inspired Women Podcast she shared many amazing tips on how to develop healthy friendships. One of the biggest thing that stuck out to me in that conversation and by reading her books is the importance of having a variety of friends. We need all levels of friendships not just best friends but acquaintances too.  According to Shasta there are five levels of friendship and they are all important in our lives. You can read more about that HERE.

What I Mean By A Variety of friends

1) Having friends that are similar to different aspects of your life. For me this would mean military spouse friends, mom friends, and entrepreneur friends.

2) Having friends who are also different. For me this would mean I might have a friend who is an entrepreneur but not a mom and/or military spouse or some other form. 

3) Having close friends and having some not so close friend. Those five levels of friendship are very important. We will only have 3-7 “best friends”. 

4) Accepting not all friends are forever friends and being ok with it. Friends are there for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. 

5) Continuing to make new friends as you go. We need to continue to add to our friendship circle. Some people will fall off and some people will come on. 

Friendship takes effort from both parties. It would be so much easier if we could just show up some place and ta da we have a new friend. Unfortunately it’s not that easy, it takes time, it takes effort, and it takes a certain level of vulnerability from both parties.

Why is important to have a variety of friends? Besides obviously allowing you to see other perspectives beside your own. Some days you might just want that person you can talk to that can understand your unique circumstances. Other days one friend might be going through something and you don’t want to bother them with your woes. Different friends fulfill different roles in our lives but they are
imperfect humans too. There will be times they aren’t available either emotionally or physically and that ok!

If you want to learn more on the topic of friendship you can read Women Need Healthy FriendshipsNot Everyone Will Be Your Best Friend, and How To Attract Your Tribe. Shasta Nelson’s books are also a great resource. No matter what remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

 

Diversify Your Life: Overcoming Closed Mindedness

Diversify Your Life. Overcoming Our Closed Mindedness, Megan Hall, Women's Empowerment Coach, Motivational Speaker

I grew up in a small town in Upstate New York. Diversity wasn’t really something that existed in my life as a child. This was before internet was easily accessible and social media was not a thing. Everyone around me seemed to have a relatively similar mindset and agreed on majority of things. It wasn’t until as an adult I married my husband and moved hundreds of miles away that I started to realize that I had a very closed minded way of thinking.

One of the biggest problems was I didn’t have a whole lot of diversity in my life as a child. We didn’t travel much and being raised in a predominantly white/christian area of the country there wasn’t much diversity. Many of the people my parents surrounded themselves with were like them and thought like them. This meant I saw those opinions, beliefs, and feelings as “right” not realizing until much later in life how wrong some of them could really be.

How did I overcome the closed mindedness of my upbringing? It wasn’t easy and it still isn’t easy. It’s something I am working on every, single day. I mean that was over 20 years of my life. That kind of closed mindedness takes time to overcome. There have been a few things that have helped me along the way.

How to overcome your closed Mindedness

1) Don’t only surround yourself with people like you. That’s the problem because if we surround ourselves with people who think, act, and look like us it’s impossible to see other perspectives. 

2) Realize there are many ways to get to the same solution. We are brought up in a one right way society where there is only one way to get to the answer. Well 5+5= 10 and 7+3= 10 too!

3) Identify your inherited prejudices. Did you learn growing up to judge or discriminate against a certain group of people? Were you ever taught to stereotype certain groups of people? Identifying these prejudices will help you overcome them. You may not even realize they are there!

4) Understand that you don’t know what it’s like to be someone unless you have been in their exact shoes. Often times we misunderstand or misinterpret things because we don’t know what it’s like. Why would __________ do ____________? That makes no sense. It makes not sense to us because we don’t know what it’s like to be them.

5) Check yourself often. Ask Am I coming from a place of kindness, empathy, and compassion? or Am I coming from a place of negativity, condemnation and judgement? We often don’t even see our prejudice and judgement when it’s occurring. 

Diversity is what gives life it’s flavor. It would be such a boring world if we were all cookie cutter versions of each other. Many times we don’t even truly realize our own closed mindedness because we have been that way OUR ENTIRE LIVES. Don’t be too hard on yourself during this process. It’s not perfect and it takes time.

We are automatically drawn to people like us because it makes us feel “normal” and more connected. I want to challenge you to actively seek out people who aren’t like you. Maybe they are of a different race, sexual orientation, employment status, lifestyle, religious belief, etc… Instead of trying to change them, convert them or make them feel like their opinions aren’t valid try understanding their perspective. Listen to what they have to say and open your mind a little bit at a time. That doesn’t always mean you will change what your think, feel or act but you can learn to respect how they do

It’s going to take time to overcome something like this that has been developing over many years. The key is to always be mindful of what we say, post, or think in our every day lives. For example:: I would always say I hated Wal-Mart and talk about the type of people who shop there. It wasn’t until my husband pointed out my prejudice that I realized I was stereotyping a group of people because of where they shopped. It seems pretty silly now but that was only a couple of months ago.

Immerse yourself in new information. Allow yourself the opportunity to get to know people different than you. That doesn’t mean you have to change who your best friend is but it does mean allowing yourself the opportunity to get to know new perspectives. Help be the change in a world that desperately needs it. Remember as always YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

 

Think Before You Speak

Think Before You Speak, Megan Hall, The Inspired Women Podcast

Communication issues is one of the top reasons relationships fail according to Psychology Today.  Our words can be used as weapons against each other. So often we don’t think before we speak instead we speak from pure emotion. Words can also be very wonderful tools in conveying love and empathy even soothing someone when they have experienced pain or heartache.  Word don’t have to be the bad guy.

Many of the problems I see on social media and in society stem from piss poor communication. Instead of taking time to think through what we are going to say we just say whatever comes to mind. Now in no way am I saying we shouldn’t speak our truth. I’m all for speaking your truth. We need to take time to properly articulate what we want to say so it’s aligned with what we mean. Basically take some time to think before you speak. There is a time, place, and word for everything.

We never know how our seemingly innocent comments might effect another person. Recently I posted on Facebook about the comments I recieve about my overflowing cart at the grocery store. To this day despite the massive amounts of personal development I have done it still bothers me. It’s not as bad as four or five years ago when I was barely holding it together and a comment like that would have completely unraveled me. We just don’t know what another person is going through and sometimes it’s best that we just keep our comments to ourselves.

How you can think before you speak

1) Always keep judgement out of your mouth. No one has the right to place judgement on another person.  Our judgments could dramatically impact another person and not in a good way.

2) Ask yourself ” Do I really need to say this?” or “Is this really necessary?” Most of the comments that cause problems are completely unnecessary. 

3) Is what you are going to say authentic to you? Many times we get ourselves in trouble by saying things that are completely not aligned with who we are. 

4) Avoid saying things from an emotional place. When we angry, sad, or frustrated we often say things we don’t really mean. 

5) Remember you can’t take words back. Once they are out there they are out there. Do you really want to be remembered for saying that? Even a social media post will stay alive after you delete it due to people’s memories and screen shots. 

Now like I always say don’t beat yourself up when you say something you shouldn’t have. We all make mistakes. The best thing is to apologize for it and do your best not to make that mistake again. People’s perceptions often dictate how they take what we say. I’ve both offended and inspired people with the same words.  At that point in time all we can say is “That’s not how I intended that and I am sorry that I hurt you with what I said” The rest is up to them.

This world could be a much better place if we all just took the time to think before we speak. On multiple occasions I have posted on social media out of hurt or frustration and that never turns out well. By checking what I am going to say with the steps up above I am far less likely to negatively impact others with what I say. I want the same for you. Let’s aim to convey kindness, empathy, and compassion .

If you need support on this please reach out. I have helped many of my clients with their communication not only to other but with themselves as well. Remember as always YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall

 

Success is a Journey Not a Destination

Success is a journey not a destination, Megan Hall, The Inspired Women Podcast

We’ve all thought it… when I am successful i will _______. We often see success as an end point vs an on going pursuit. Success is a journey not a destination. There will never be a time that we get to a point and say “Here is success and I am done” . As humans we are always striving for something new, it’s what makes life so exciting and wonderful.

Instead of enjoying the journey of success we get caught up in the hustle trying to reach it. Through all the hustle we miss out on some of the most amazing parts of our journey. Ever seen someone “successful” that is completely unhappy with their lives? I have!  There are many I have envied for their success. I’ve even thought “Someday I will be just like them.”  It took me awhile to realize I really don’t ever want to not enjoy the journey of success.

How Can We see success is a journey not a destination?

1) Never stop pursuing new goals and dreams. When you achieve something then that leaves room for you to achieve something new. 

2) Give yourself a break. We cannot always be on the go, go, go, go. That leads to burn out, panic attacks, physical ailments, and exhaustion. 

3) Learn from the twists and turns in your journey. The path won’t always be smooth, straight, and paved. Some days it will be bumpy, some days it will be turning this way and that, and some days you’ll be tripping over roots.  There’s a lesson in all of it.

4) Don’t be afraid to take the path less traveled.  We often think we have to do everything the way everyone else is doing it.  We often assume that must be THE way because everyone else is doing it that way. Just because it’s everyone else’s path that doesn’t mean it’s YOUR path.

5) Leave room for change.  As a journey not a destination there will be change along the way. Maybe a new path opens up, maybe the old one closes down, or maybe a different path looks more interesting than the one you’re on. 

When we think of success as a journey it makes pursuing it more exciting. We release the pressures to “achieve” success by a certain deadline. Instead we are more willing to explore and expand. We also avoid the let down after achieving our goals. The exasperated “what’s next?” so to speak. Instead we excitedly wonder “Where Can I go next?”

Enjoy the journey. Remember your success is defined by you and not those around you. Joyfully pursue what sets your soul on fire. Don’t let others dictate what path you need to take or where you need to go next. Only you know where you want to go. The possibilities are endless.

Need help on your journey? Grab a spot in my the next Inspired Women Mini Group. Remember as always YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!

XoXo

Megan Hall